Reflections of a BLM

I have the most awesome first sergeant in the world.

That is all.

Why must I settle for mediocracy when I strive for exellence? This is a quote I came up with last night that I posted on my Twitter after a particularly hard day in the field. To the casual observer, yesterday probably didn't look too difficult, but I've had a lot on my mind lately. Some of it just stems from the condition of being human and not living up to my perfectionist ideals I set for myself. Some of it stems from the balance I am trying to find between my job, my family, God, and myself. This has put me at an emotional standstill, fighting depression, and quite frankly, looking at myself as substandard.

For a noncomissioned officer such as myself, "substandard" is about the worst thing you can be. If you cannot meet the standards, how can you lead soldiers and train them to properly meet the standard? I constantly strive to meet standards--Army training standards, height and weight standards, physical fitness standards, and so on. And as time has gone on and I have had to deal with illness and injury, it has become more difficult to maintain those standards. But as an NCO, not only do you need to meet the standards, you need to exceed them. For somebody clawing at just meeting the standards, exceeding them seems damn near impossible.

And the truth is I haven't met a standard. I had someone carry me through it on his back and I've felt guilty ever since.

I'm still here, and I'm still trying to prove to myself and others around me that I am not a waste of space and that I am here as an asset to my unit and the Army. I also have a family, a husband I love dearly, who is often forced to take a backseat to my mission and my soldiers. And he understands this, but still I feel a substantial amount of guilt about not being able to put him first.

I have spent the last 10 years putting the Army first. And I'm not getting any younger. Neither is my husband. We want to move on with the next stage of our life together. And we were going to start trying to get there after I took my next Army Physical Fitness test, now scheduled for mid-November. And despite that, I have been wondering about my unit. I don't want anyone to have to pick up my slack, but here I am, contemplating a move that would force my soldiers to pick up my slack for the next year and a half.

Today I found out that we have a major training event scheduled in May, one that I do not want to miss. Why? Because I am the type of leader who wants to train and fight with her soldiers. Before I deployed to OIF 1, I watched a bunch of females dodge deployments simply by getting pregnant. I don't want to be "that female." I am a leader and I have soldiers and officers and senior NCOs counting on me and competence on my areas of expertise.

On the other side of the coin is the promise I made to my husband who has been waiting 8 years for me to finally settle down and start a family with him.

I have the Army for 10 more years. I have my husband forever. So some people would look at this situation and know exactly where my priorities should lie. But I love and respect my unit more than words can define and I already feel that I am substandard. I don't want to let them down either.

And my relationship with God has gotten lost in all this. I don't depend on Him like I should, I don't pray to Him and cry for His help like I should, I don't read His word as much as I should, simply because I don't have any energy. And He should be FIRST, not last.

Right now, I'm trying to work up the courage to talk to my chain of command. They want to know about any major life changes we're considering and I respect that. Maybe they can give me some perspective on what I'm feeling. My commander and first sergeant both have families of their own and are familiar with the difficulties of juggling family and work. But neither one is a woman. And neither one would probably appreciate having one of their NCOs on restrictive job limitations for a year and a half.

God, please help me!

Haven't had much time to blog--or do much of anything--lately. I've spent the last two weeks in a challenging military school and next week I'll be gone on a field training exercise with my unit. Then in about three weeks, I have another intensive training event. So work has been hopping lately. I'm exhausted, and looking forward to the holidays for a bit of a break.

FFXI wise, I've gotten BST to 56...hoping to get on and get 57 tonight so I can wear my Scorpion Harness. I'm so excited--Oshi's got a Haubergeon +1 that I plan to borrow when I hit 59. It'll make my BST look sexy! :D

Now off to a late lunch/early dinner with Oshi at Olive Garden, before I have to face a week of field chow.

The pros on my one of my favorite shows "Dancing with the Stars" did the most awesome looking tribute to Michael Jackson the other night




And that "Thriller" part at the end was perfect! :D

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I have officially re-enlisted and dedicated six more years of my life to the Army.

I have an intense love/hate relationship with this job. The things I love, I really love and the things I hate drive me nuts. Some days, I just don't want to do this job anymore. But certain distinct moments make it worth it, like watching one of your soldiers succeed, finally seeing the light bulb come on when you're training them, achieving a positive result on a difficult mission, being bone tired after a field exercise, yet having that sense of accomplishment that comes from working so hard to accomplish something so great with your team. Yes, I know this sounds cliche, but it's what keeps me here.

Two years ago, I didn't think I'd be here. Two years ago, I had people tell me that it was over, that I wouldn't be able to serve anymore, that my illnesses and injuries got in the way of me performing the Army's mission. I fought and I fought and now, every single accomplishment feels like a win against those who said, "You can't." And me raising my hand once again and solemnly swearing to support and defend the Constitution of the United States felt like the ultimate victory...even though I was worn out by a day-long field exercise (one of those days where everything that could go wrong did).

I will even begrudgingly admit that that Army is a huge part of who I am and what has shaped my life. I have plenty of interests and dreams of things I want to do after I'm no longer a soldier (ironically, they involve working as a DA civilian so that I can continue to work to improve the lives of even more soldiers) and I do long for the day I no longer have to wake up at the crack of black to go to PT. But you know, I've been doing this job since I was 17. I can't imagine doing anything else.

Somedays it's pretty tough. My leadership constantly pushes me, which I openly invite, but sometimes I feel underappreciated. There is one individual in particular whom I really wish I could please, whom I really wish I could feel that he's proud of me and what I've done for the unit. But you know what? At the end of the day, none of that really matters. It's all about my Soldiers. Right now, in my current unit especially, I serve the best Soldiers in the world. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lady GaGa needs a serious dose of therapy. For real...

I liked her song "Let's Dance" but "Poker Face" makes my ears bleed. But apparently, the American public always fall for fruitcakes.

But I digress. Maybe this is me getting old and unable to understand the next generation. Scary to think that, but oh well.

Real life has kept me pretty busy and off the game for awhile. I do log on once a week for Saturday dynamis, but that has been the extent of my FFXI lately--except for this weekend, when I dusted off the BST and had some fun in the sun in Western Altepa Desert, dodging Cactuars and charming spiders and sicing them on unassuming Anticans--and each other. I'm almost 42 now and I'm thinking that when I come back to the game on a more semi-permanent basis, I'll go back and forth between meriting and leveling BST. I'm planning on concentrating on pumping up my WAR and some of the merits I'll planning are beneficial to BST (I'm 8/8 on axe merits, but crit hit merits will help...I'm currently 3/4). My poor WAR...it's been whored out getting BLM and WHM merits and has almost nothing for it. But I plan on changing that soon...

I am getting a lot out of helping out with church worship. But I still have so many issues and concerns, some of them that have kept me up at night. I'm starting to feel some of my old depression seeping in, but I know I have a great support system in place, so things don't seem quite as bad. But I really do feel like I need a stress free break. But looking at the training schedule, I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Been experimenting with some other games on XBox games lately. Besides my regular infusion of Guitar Hero and Rock Band, I finished out most of the achievements for A Kingdom for Keflings (don't laugh, that game was cool) and I'm currently in the middle of Shadow Complex. I've got a huge list of RPGs sitting in a pile in my apartment yet untouched by me that I must catch up on, so I'll be busy for awhile. Also, my Super Nintendo has been calling my name--I found a site Starmen.net, entirely devoted to the Mother (EarthBound) series. I've been seriously thinking about trying to get my hands on Mother and Mother 3 imports, but that's probably down there on the priority list. I wish they would release Mother 1+2 and Mother 3 in the US though. That would be sweet. Oh, and lastly, I downloaded FFVII onto my PSP and have been pushing through that as well. So although FFXI has been on the backburner, my consoles are still getting a pretty decent workout.

Also currently reading "Blue Like Jazz" by Don Miller. Have a few new books that I plan to get into once I finish this one, but I'll most likely end up picking up "The Shack" by William P. Young.

Anyways, I know my updates have been non existent lately. I'll try to be better. In the meantime, I update my Twitter on a regular basis. My Twitter ID (of course) is Squigglicious, but my account is locked due to numerous bots trying to access my info, so if you want access, just send me a short message telling me who you are and I should get that to you. But I should warn you--Twitter can be like crack. Seriously.

Sorry, don't have much time to update. Just posting the newest video from my current favorite band, Skillet. The song is called "Monster." Enjoy!

So last week, a few of us in the Untamed (all-pet) LS decided to do a Gration run. Well, two actually. We have a crafter in the LS who has been making a bunch of pop items, so we went in with 2 BSTs, 4 PUPs, a SMN, a NIN and me as RDM (I had just gotten 72 and I didn't have a buffer). Proud to say that we did pretty well and even got a shield to drop for Opiate.

Last night after dynamis (yet another Xarcabard with no RDM hat :( ), we did an all pet KSNM ODS run. It was a lot of fun and I got a damascus ingot with my orb, which netted me 350k :D We're talking about having events two days a week on Wednesdays and Saturdays, starting with simple stuff and then maybe moving into the endgame realm.

I don't really know how I feel about that. I mean, I know it will be awhile before we're doing anything really serious endgame, but I took a break from Knights to get away from the endgame grind. I really can't see myself doing endgame with anyone but Knights. However, finding new ways and experimenting with new tactics to get our pets in on the action is really fun. I'm enjoying helping an LS out with something other than my BLM or my WHM and I'm learning a lot. That's what I love about this game--no matter how long I play, there's something new to learn. Too often, LSes get stuck in a rut, using cookie-cutter tactics to defeat bosses. These tactics usually use specific jobs to get the job done. That is very effective, but sometimes also boring. With Untamed, I can actually use my SMN, and soon, my BST in new and exciting ways.

I'm sure I'll have more time to make a definite decision. I'll help out with events as best I can and bring my experience to the table. But when we start pushing into the realm of endgame, I'm going to have to think long and hard about it. It's almost as if I'm cheating on a boyfriend with a new fling.

Anyways, I'm off to do more schoolwork! Joy...

I still struggle with the things that I do not understand.

But these feelings stirring up inside me are Grace, Faith and Hope. Things that I had all but given up on, something that I didn't feel I deserved.

And you know what? Maybe none of us really deserve it. But do we deserve each and every single gift we're given?

Why is it that when we are given a gift, we feel the need to reciprocate? Most gifts aren't given with strings attached, so we attach imaginary strings anyway and think, "Oh, well since so and so gave me this, I need to give them something." It helps us release the guilt of getting something we didn't feel we deserved. It helps us keep our pride intact and not think of the gift as "charity." We are taught that it is better to give than to receive, so somehow, receiving has become something bad.

Sometimes, it is harder to receive than to give. Sometimes you get a gift that you really need and you don't know what your life would be like without that gift, but then you shove it in the back of a closet and forget about it. Then you get to a point where you need that gift again so bad but you can't get past yourself and just use and enjoy it.

And now that I have identified the real things that were frightening me before, they are no longer that scary. In fact, they are now a comfort. It is my proof that Someone decided not to give up on me despite my anger, resentment, and self doubt. I have been given an awesome Gift, something that I will never ever be able to pay back. So you know what? I'm not going to worry about it. I am going to accept this gift, say "Thank you" for every day that I have on this earth to enjoy it, and move on with my life, knowing that I am never, ever alone.

I had no idea I'd get a response so fast, but the day I sent out the e-mail, I did.

But I haven't responded yet and now this issue is on the forefront of all my thoughts and actions.

Am I really ready to open up a can of worms? Will I be judged or ridiculed by others because of some of the things I've done in my past? How much do I really want to disclose?

I'm having issues with my sleep. One day, I'll have issues falling asleep, the next I'll come home from work and sleep 12-14 hours straight. I can't concentrate, I feel on edge all the time. I'm nervous and agitated--my heart races all the time and I can't think straight.

You have gotten my attention now. Some people have a hard time hearing You, others succeed in blocking You as much as possible (something I've been able to do for quite some time), but I can feel Your presence loud and clear. And it's scaring me to death. I've lost it--I don't have that childlike faith like I used to have. And circumstances being what they are, I don't know if I can get it back.

"Surrender don't come natural to me
I'd rather fight you for something I don't really want
Than to take what you give that I need"
-Rich Mullins

How can I accept something I don't understand? While I understand that there are many things we as humans don't understand about Your will, how am I supposed to just accept things and move on? I have so much anger and resentment toward the things that You allowed to happen and even though my subconscious is finally starting to let You in again, I'm not so sure I'm ready to let go of that anger.

Maybe I’m just looking for something to be down about. 

I mean, my life right now is pretty good.  I’m relatively happy.  I’m well adjusted at work and have some of the best soldiers ever.  After eight years of marriage, I still actually adore the guy I’m married to (imagine that!  :P).  All the residual stuff from the move is long settled and I don’t feel like the “new kid on the block” anymore.  I’m even looking forward to two solid weeks of leave (and doing absolutely nothing) next month.

But something’s missing.

I think that once we get through all of our immediate problems and when think we can finally be content with everything, that our not-so-immediate problems emerge.  It doesn’t necessarily mean that these issues aren’t important.  But when you have to choose between worrying about how bills are going to get paid next month and an issue that doesn’t have to do with your immediate survival or have consequences that can bite you in the butt in the here and now, you’re going to deal with those bills.  But once the necessities are taken care of, the stuff you’ve been sweeping under the rug starts to resurface.  Then those small issues come to the forefront of your thoughts and you can’t really shake them.

Maybe Someone is trying to get my attention.  The other day I found myself re-immersing in the music and legacy of one of my favorite musicians, Rich Mullins.  I find the words he spoke and the music he created both calms me and stirs up feelings I haven’t allowed myself to feel in years.  To the point where I find myself spiritually confused. 

So where does that leave me now? 

In my particular case, I did something that required a bit of bravery on my part.  I reached out to someone from my past.  My far, far past, who was around when I grew up, someone who at one point probably knew my mother better than I did.  My mother is the link that I allow myself to acknowledge that brought me to seek out this person.  As far as if this person even remembers me, I don’t even know.  I guess that if a few weeks go by and I get no response from him, I’ll know my answer.  But if I get no response, will that spurn me to go a different direction?  Or will that lack of response in itself be my answer? 

So, while I wait, I will read, research, immerse myself in finding those answers on my own.  And in the meantime, I will continue to live my life and enjoy all the things that make life worth living.  And I’ll probably log some serious hours in the gym  :P

In my role as a Sergeant, or what the Army calls an NCO (Non-Commissioned Officer), I have to conduct professional and performance counseling with my soldiers on a monthly basis--it's basically a tool to let soldiers know how they performed the previous month, what they can improve on, what they need to work on to get promoted, and what's coming up for the next month.  These counselings are typed up and used as a guideline during the counseling.

So I was typing up a counseling for one of my soldiers.  I went to spell check it and got a huge laugh.  The computer's spelling suggestion for "NCOs" was--Nachos.  So being the professional leader that I am, I added that spelling suggestion to the first two sentences of the Creed of the Non-Commissioned Officer:

"No one is more professional than I.  I am a Nacho, a leader of soldiers."

I like that version better  :P

OK, so this vid is 2 years old and it's a WoW video.  I'm not converting to, or even thinking of playing it.  But this video cracks me up.  Actually this guy has several funny videos.

After I announced that I was leaving PFA, I had someone tell me that it sucked and that they wish that they could gimp RL.  I did the obligatory "lol" and brushed it off, knowing that he had to be kidding, but the comment kind of brushed me the wrong way.  And the more I thought of it, the more I shook my head.  Now I'm almost positive that he wasn't serious, but for every "just kidding!" comment someone posts, there is someone else out there who actually might share that mentality.

I wonder how many people actually say that to themselves and really mean it.  "I wish that my actual living breathing life wasn't so busy so I could sit in front of a video game 24/7."  OK, I know that sometimes, when I'm in the middle of an awesome game *cough*Fallout3*cough* or waiting for some killer DLC *cough*Fallout3*cough* I would rather play that than go to work.  I mean, who wouldn't?  Especially when something that you've been waiting for for practically forever (FFXIII..oh wait, still waiting...) finally comes out and you want to drop everything, hook up your controller and just go.  

Oshi took up endgame long before I did (which is why he probably burned out quicker on FFXI than I did) and was part of this popular EG LS that I'll just call GayAssholes.  GayAssholes had the distinction of one of its sacks being a rich dude who didn't work and spent 24/7 on a game.  ON A GAME!  They would demand so much of Oshi's time it was disgusting.  At that point, I knew I wanted to be in endgame, but I didn't want to put it before my job, my marriage, and my life.  The maddest I ever was occured when they insisted he go to a Kirin run the night before I was supposed to fly out on a year-long tour to Korea.  I was tired of being ignored, I was tired of Oshi getting further in the game and us spending less time together (both in game and in real life), and I was tired of Oshi progressing so far ahead of me.

Korea was quite a bit different.  Oshi and I decided to level his NIN and my WAR together so that we could "spend time together" despite me being half a world away.  We partied together, made fun of noobs together, and he came to his senses and left GayAssholes altogether (right before they kicked him for applying to my LS so that we could spend more time together).  I was on all the time, but I was using my time to connect with my husband, who I missed desperately, counting the days until I could finally be with him again.

After Korea, we decided to get back into the business of endgame, together.  So Oshi started looking.  We found an LS that was just starting out (if you listen to one of our episodes in the first year, Samigrace's LS was camping Fafnir, I believe and she mentioned something about them and I later told everyone that they remade their shell when Oshi and I left because they couldn't have the satisfaction of breaking our pearls).  So you can tell that worked out.  In the meantime, Oshi had met someone in Knights, and they put up an app on our behalves (? is that right?)  We got accepted and started doing events with them.

The one thing that Knights always stressed (and I really appreciated about them) was that RL>FFXI.  Of course we were expected to be at events when we were on, but if I had a field exercise or Oshi had a big project at school, they wouldn't have a problem with it.  And if we wanted to get off the game and go to dinner together, it was always followed by comments like "have fun" or "bow chicka bow ow!" (lol).  I liked being around people who loved the game but weren't crazy-obsessed like GayAssholes.

So now, I'm at a new stage in my life.  My priorities have changed and my responsibilities have become even greater.  I am one of the few sergeants in my unit, and there are only about six people who outrank me in the unit.  I'm actively working on my degree and my grades are very important to me.  And I'm getting closer and closer to 30 and a lot of the things I wanted to accomplish before then haven't even gotten started.  My time as a patient Warrior in Transition taught me that I can't take anything for granted, even my time in the Army.  And watching some of my close civilian friends lose their jobs when they have families to support has really struck a chord with me too. 

I guess my point is that if anything should be "gimped," it should be a video game.  It is in my life.  When I walk outside, I see real things.  I see the trees that have shat leaves and twigs all over my car.  I drive my car with all its small Oklahoma hailstorm dents in the hood to work, where I listen to my soldiers talk about what they are doing this weekend or who totally missed a crucial catch during the last softball game.  I take a deep breath and smell the stench of the rabid skunk that has been freshly ran over, then I head to my office and read a million e-mails from my commander and first sergeant about 90 different things that have deadlines of 15 MINUTES AGO.  Then I come home and see that Oshi hasn't taken the trash out yet.

OK, OK, I'm kidding!  Well, not really.  But the best thing about life is that it's...real.  The high you get after a good workout.  The pride you feel when your first sergeant is impressed by a training outline you worked all day on.  The joy you feel when your company softball team wins a game.  The warm feeling when you come home exhausted from work and your spouse puts their arms around you and loves you unconditionally.  The warmth of the sun on your face and the excitement you feel when a huge storm is coming through.

This thing called real life?  It should never be muted.  It should always be lived to the fullest.

Be sure to check this page more often for my recent updates!

Now, back to installing FFXI on Oshi's new computer.  Wish I knew where my WoTG disc was...

After a long absence from PFA, I am back to (at least) part time hosting.

I will once again start posting entries in my old host blog.  You can find it here

To those who read this blog, thank you.  I hope you continue to check for updates in my PFA blog.

This week I increased my gym time from two to five days a week.  Gives me three days for cardio and two days for strength/weight training.  Today was my last day this week ( I take Fridays and Saturdays off) and I'm tired but not overly sore.  If I can keep this up, I'll have a healthier me in no time flat.  Although I'm tired, I'm noticing improvements in the gym and I definitely feel stronger.

This week I did a little of Dynamis and Limbus.  We did Dynamis-Sandy the other night and it seemed to go on forever.  I went to bed about an hour before the run ended.  Last night, we had a not-so-great Ultima experience.  Tonight will be my first Einherjar run in months, so it'll be fun.  Also got my fishing up to 30 and turned in Moat Carp number 723 (slow and steady).  Helped Sobi out with his BLU AF hat NM (that guy is no joke).  Yes, this is the same Sobi who quit a few months ago.  For some of us, it's hard to get this game our of our systems.  It's good to have him back, even part time and I like the opportunities to do things with him in game. 

Got the Army Center for Enhanced Performance workshop next week at Walter Reed, so I'll be out of town for the week.  I'm really looking forward to it.  I also am having a small housewarming this weekend for the new apartment.  :D

I just finished watching Nintendo’s media conference at E3.  And I am seriously pissed off. 

First off, let me say that I enjoyed Microsoft’s media conference yesterday.  Fallout 3 looks awesome.  Infinite Undiscovery and The Last Remnant look great too.  And the final announcement about FFXIII being on Xbox 360…was actually a decent earth-shattering announcement.  Great for me because my main system of choice these days is a 360.  Not so great for Oshi because he bought his PS3 years ago because he figured that FFXIII would be a PS3 exclusive.  But now that this has been proven untrue, at least we still know that Final Fantasy Versus XIII (the game I’m looking more forward) will still be exclusively PS3 (for now).  So Oshi can rest easy.  But seriously the PS3 has been overall a disappointment.  A vast majority of the games we have for it can also be purchased for the 360.  I’m hoping more exclusives come out of the Sony conference because, let’s face it, Sony needs a fire lit under their asses and they need to realize that their system is in trouble.  Give us good games.  But I digress.  (Edit:  Well, so much for that.  God of War 3 and Resistance 2 were cool, but the rest?  WTF Sony?)

Anyway, the Nintendo conference happened to fall during my lunch hour, so I was looking forward to watching it live.  Nintendo has always been hush, hush, preferring to release their big surprises during events like E3 and TGS.  Last year, they released information on the Wii Fit, which I had been looking forward to…until its release.  Now, since I didn’t think I’d have to reserve it, I’m having issues even finding it.  I would love to have it to help supplement my fitness program and use it to track my progress.  But alas, why would I expect Nintendo to make enough Wii Fits?  People still have issues trying to find a Wii. 

To begin with, Nintendo began their conference with a cheesy opening showing a whole bunch of people with cheesy grins on their faces.  Their opening supported their theme for the year—bringing smiles to people’s faces.  After that was a demo of a new snowboarding game (using the still hard to find Wii balance board) and a whole bunch of boring statistics about how they’ve had increased sales with the general mainstream, particularly females.  Blah, blah, blah.  They put out some info on the new Animal Crossing games and Wii Sports Resort, which actually sound decent.  Then they put out some information on their upcoming DS library, nothing which sounded particularly impressive.  (Sorry, I’m not a big GTA fan)

Oshi left the room about halfway through, shouting over his shoulder to let him know if Nintendo came up with anything interesting.  Not long after that, they started hyping up for the big announcement and showed some guy with the Wii mote, nunchuck and the balance board playing air drums.  Yes, you heard me right.  Then they brought out Miyamoto-san to make the “big announcement” for the year to introduce….Wii Music.  A game that doesn’t make you hit specific keys to go along with a musical score or has any type of strategy involved.  The premise?  You play “air instruments” using the Nintendo peripherals mentioned above.  That’s it.  To demonstrate, Miyamoto-san brought a few people onstage with him to start a band to play the Mario theme.  Unfortunately, when they all got onstage, the only instrument left for Miyamoto-san to play was the cowbell.  THE COWBELL??!!  ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME??!!  So after they got settled with their “instruments”, the entire group of people onstage began to “play”—while looking like complete idiots in the process. 

So this is what I wasted my lunch hour on?  Their big announcement was air instruments?!  Are you kidding me?!  At the launch of the Wii, Nintendo talked about branching out and reaching the mainstream, but they also said that they were not going to abandon their core gamers.  They brought out Twilight Princess, Metriod Prime 3:  Corruption, Super Mario Galaxy, Super Smash Brothers Brawl.  All solid.  But apparently, Nintendo thinks that since it made good on its promise that it doesn’t need to continue making the great games and continue the franchises that they are known for.  They’re reaching so far to get the mainstream guys, the core gamers (like me) feel let down and pissed off.  They couldn’t have announced a new Zelda game in the works?  Or perhaps a new iteration of Metroid on the DS?  The only franchise they haven’t forgotten about is—Pokemon.  Oh yippee.

So apparently Nintendo has abandoned the core gamer to get the mainstreamer and rake in millions of dollars.  That makes great business sense.  But it leaves me frustrated and sorely disappointed.  Years ago, I used to be a hard-core Nintendo die hard.  If you even mentioned Sega or Sony to me, I’d fiercely declare my loyalty to Nintendo, saying it was THE only system to play and that the other ones didn’t exist in my mind.  That changed when the Final Fantasy series leapt to the Playstation, but I still had a soft spot for the guys who brought me Mario and Link.  Not anymore.  F**k you Nintendo.

 

I've gotten to get on the game more in the recent weeks.  I've been working on merits for my WAR lately and I'm currently 6/8 on axe merits.  I'm noticing a HUGE difference in my accuracy, especially on my Rampages.  My average WSes went from around 300-700 to around 500-800, with a lot more 1k+s then I ever used to have.  The best thing about my axe merits is that they will transfer well to BST if I ever get the time to level it...not to mention I'll be seeing Rampage a lot sooner on it.  After I cap out my axe merits, I'm going to work on my job-specific merits and finally learn Warrior's Charge.  Then I'll finish out crit hit merits and finish out my enfeebling merits for RDM.  I still have to play so much catch up with merits, but I want to make myself better all around so that I can be even more of an asset to my LS.  After I merit all my jobs to the point where I'm satisfied, then I'll bring up either my SMN, SCH or BLU (haven't completely decided yet.  I still have way too many merits to obtain first).

I'm disappointed that I don't have a lot of time to get to LS events, but I do attend what I can and so far I find that I do have time to at least do Dynamis.  Last week I did some tier IV ZNMs with my LS (the Hydra one) and it was a blast (literally.  I went BLM XD).  Last night in Valkurm, Sorcerer's Belt dropped and I bid for it, but Vedebibble outbid me and went 6/6 on his BLM.  I definitely don't mind losing to Ved--he may be quiet and our "AFK King" but he's good at what he does and he is a really cool guy.  We also got a RDM -1 hat (congrats Kelia!) and DRK -1.  In our last Dynamis Windy, I ended up getting my WHM feet (my last Windy piece, yay!), making me 2/5 on WHM.  I missed our Jeuno run, where both WHM and RDM pants dropped (and went for a low amount of points  :(  ).  Oh well, next time.

I also got the opportunity to help another LS (that is converting from endgame to just a social LS) burn up a few of their Kirin sets.  I felt so bad for them...in the two runs, he dropped two poles, 2 shining cloths, a few crystals, and a Quake scroll.  But I'll probably net around 100k for my efforts, which isn't too bad.  I'm trying to save up more money to finally finish out my HQ staff collection (I'm 6/8, missing Terra and Neptune.  I really want to complete the set before I pick up SMN again).

As for RL, I've finally rediscovered my living room floor and am now working on getting things unpacked in the spare bedroom.  When we get enough money, I want to put a daybed in there for guests.  But most of our DVDs are unpacked and today I plan to work on getting the rest of our clothes put away and unpacking all of my books.  I'm keeping my boxes around because a buddy of mine is moving soon and he might need them.  Also I've been making progress in the gym.  My personal training sessions are over and although I haven't lost any weight, I've lost 7.5% body fat, which in my opinion is far more important.  Oshi and I are taking Bodypump classes together.  They combine strength training and music and are a lot of fun.  My personal trainer made me realize the importance of strength training, but I really don't like working with weights, so I think these classes will keep me motivated.

I've also been doing more surveys at work.  Paula took me to Fort Story for a ventilation survey and Chuck took me to a survey with the Reserve Fleet where we got to go on a boat ride and tour some of the ships!  Paula decided that I had been working so hard that she gave me half of Friday off, so I spent some time meriting (time well spent IMO lol).  I really enjoy expanding my work to more than data entry stuff.  It gives me more options if I am forced to change my job.  The week after next, I'm going TDY to Walter Reed to participate in the Army Center for Enhanced Performance (ACEP).  It has been used by professional athletes to help enhance their performance and it has been adapted to aid the Wounded Warrior in their recovery.  I'm excited about this trip.

Next week, I'm hitting school really hard.  I want to finish my current course by the end of the month.  Hopefully I'll be able to do more with the LS too.

I decided to say "screw it" to getting everything done by Friday.  I needed a break.  So I chilled Friday, but it was major humid and I was having breathing problems, so I decided to stay in and not go to Busch Gardens :(  Saturday I stayed home all day, watching TV, doing my first Dynamis in months (Dynamis Valkrum, which was a nice way to get back in the swing of things...with a shorter Dynamis) and hit 29 on my fishing.  Oh, and I also did a little meriting.  Concentrating on axe skill atm.  One of our WARs accidentally voked a Wivre.  We killed it and continued on.  After the party I discovered that I had a Wivre Hide in my inventory!  :D  Yay, gilz!

So today, I finally got off my lazy ass and finished cleaning the old place.  Now, it's EMPTY (except of course the stuff that came with the apartment.  Too bad I couldn't steal that  refrigerator :P).  Tomorrow at lunch, me and Oshi are handing in our key and then we're DONE clearing that apartment!  No more drives across town hauling cleaning supplies and cardboard boxes!  I can't hardly walk in my new place, but hey, at least all my stuff is HERE instead of there.

This week I have a three day workweek (yay Fourth of July!) so I plan to do some major relaxing these next few days.  Also getting back into the gym.  I've lost 2 pounds since I started with Crystal and even though I wasn't able to make it last week, it's not like I was that lazy (I think moving can definitely count as a workout!).  I'm hoping to make it there at least 4 days this week and get a better rhythm going.  My goal is not to get skinny or model thin--my goal is to lose a few of these excess pounds I picked up in the WTU and get healthier again.  I actually want to take care of myself and do what I can to feel better.